No one is coming to rescue you

The power of a high agency mindset.

I was talking to someone recently who was absolutely brilliant. Spent over 15 years in a senior exec position at a company you’d recognize, it’s probably even hanging in your closet.

She did everything right: built the career, earned the titles, led the teams, did the work.

And then one day recently her phone rang and... that was it. Severance package. Email deactivated almost immediately.

So I asked her honestly: how did that actually feel? how are you really?

She paused for a second, kind of looked down, and then she said “Honestly? At first it was like someone threw cold water in my face. I couldn’t breathe for a minute. But then... and especially now… I couldn’t be happier it happened.”

Then she went on. She said every single holiday break for the last ten years, she had it on her to-do list to take some time to think about whether she should make a career change. And every single year, she got busy, the schedule filled up, and she just... didn’t. Ten whole years went by.

What struck me in our conversation was the confidence she was carrying in the middle of uncertainty. That's when the conversation shifted to mindset: specifically what we called a high agency mindset.

It sounds like a fancy way of saying confidence or ambition, maybe even privilege. But it’s really none of those things.

High agency is the unsettling realization that no one is coming to rescue you. And instead of buckling… you stand up straighter.

It’s believing you actually have a say in how your life goes. Not when things are perfect or easy or fair. Actually… especially then.

It doesn’t always show up in big dramatic moments. It shows up in quiet, boring little decisions made over and over again. The difference is just in the question we ask ourselves.

instead of: “why is this happening to me?”
it’s:“okay… since this is happening... what am I going to do next?”

That’s it. That’s the whole idea. But it changes everything.

Because most of us spend time in low agency mode without even realizing it. We slowly hand our power over to a job that stopped fitting years ago, or to a version of ourselves we outgrew but never really looked at again.

And low agency sounds completely reasonable. that’s the sneaky part. It sounds like this: “I can’t leave yet. It’s not the right season. That’s just how this industry works. I’ll revisit it when things calm down.”

None of that sounds crazy. It sounds responsible. But over time? It starts to show up as low level resentment. Like life is something that’s happening to you rather than something you’re actively living.

The other thing I find fascinating (and kind of uncomfortable) is that once you accept that you have agency, you also have to accept responsibility. You can’t really tell yourself you’re “stuck” anymore. Because you’re not stuck. You never were. You were just choosing what’s familiar over what’s uncertain. And those are very different things.

This especially shows up for people in the middle chapters. We’ve built enough to know what we’re capable of. And lived enough to feel the cost of staying somewhere that doesn’t fit. So we ask question: “now what do I do with it?”

High agency doesn’t mean blowing your life up. It just means being honest about what’s not working anymore.

In real life it looks really ordinary. Like, you’re overwhelmed, the house is always chaotic, snapping at the kids more than we want to, and every night ends with a version of half-working, half-scrolling, completely fried. Low agency says that’s just the season. That’s just parenthood. Reset later.

High agency says: Okay… this is just... reality. So what am I actually going to do about it? Maybe hire help before you feel financially ready. Maybe block your calendar differently. Maybe just start saying no without providing an explanation. Nothing dramatic. Just small tweaks that put you back in the drivers seat.

Or professionally: you’ve outgrown your role and you feel it every Monday morning. You have ideas you’re not sharing. You’re quietly resenting leadership. Low agency says that’s just corporate life. Your boss should notice. Or it’s not the right time.

High agency says if I stay silent, nothing changes. So you ask for the meeting. You share your ideas. You ask for the title or the comp adjustment. Or you start looking elsewhere. You might not get what you want but you stop pretending you’re powerless.

And I think it’s important to note: agency isn’t some personality trait we either have or don’t. For most people it’s just a practice. An exhausting one, honestly, because it takes away the comfort of the “I’m stuck” story.

But there’s this real confidence that comes with it. Not because you know how things will turn out… you don’t. But because you know you’re not just sitting there waiting.

You’re participating. You’re choosing. Awake at the wheel.

So I keep coming back to the question and I hope you do too:

Where in life can you swap out “why is this happening to me” for “since this is happening, what am I going to do next?”

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Tables Ready is written to be an open conversation with my readers so I can get to know you like you’re getting to know me. If this sparked something, I’d love to hear about it in the comments —

Cheers!
Meg